Unfriended

Sometimes i really wonder, why am i the way i am? Why do i always need to act in a fashion that others would label “over-reaction”?

Well, that is perhaps because i am me, unabashedly and unapologetically. I am an individual harboring several contrasting traits. For instance, i can and i often befriend random people; yet at the same time i do not allow everyone in my fb-friend list, because i don’t want to be friends with everyone. I love helping people and usually go out of way to help them. But i have trouble asking for help if i feel they might have to go out of their comfort zone to do that. Similarly, i let people talk their hearts out while i bottle up my feelings and emotions, most of the time.

For reasons stated above and more, i have a difficult time finding a person i really connect with. Someone i would ping when i am happy, someone i would ping when i am sad and someone i would ping when i have nothing to do.

Well, i have been blessed with a few individuals who fit the bill. One of them happens to be this guy. Met him online, he was a FOF initially and then went on to become one of my besties, or so i thought. A li’l older than i am, he is a lot mature, sorted, chilled-out, well-articulated and extremely nice. Our friendship being 3.5 years old, i have had never the chance of meeting him in person. He used to be my go-to-guy for anything and everything.

I loved him insanely until i visited his blog today. it has been about 20 months or so that i hadn’t visited it. Upon visiting, i learnt somewhere between my previous and recent visits, he had had a girlfriend with whom he had spent countless sweet moments. I was glad that he had found someone, whose company and presence meant so much to him.

But somewhere it hurt me, that he never mentioned this despite our regular chats. I usually don’t accept anyone easily, but when i do, that is for life. When i learnt that, myriad emotions played through me and i felt pretty restless. I felt i knew nothing about him though i blabbered to him about everything going (be it right or wrong) in my life.
I might be over-reacting but i thought he told me everything, just as i told him everything. Perhaps so much drama is totally uncalled for. Perhaps it was just a tiny thing.
But somewhere, meandering through these several perhaps, i realized i would never love him the way i did.
My usual reaction has always been, “block the person” if i ever don’t want to talk to the person anymore. But this person concerned got only unfriended/removed from all the lists he had been in. Is it because, i feel i owe him an explanation for unfriending him? I haven’t delved that deep and i don’t want to, either.

Another 3 days, and it would be his birthday. After 3 long years, this would be the first time, i will not be wishing him.

I admit i’ll miss him. I will miss turning to him whenever i needed help. But after a certain point, i guess i have to let it all go.

But i will continue to be his well-wisher. I really can’t forget all the moments when he had been there to lift my spirits, the way he said, “you rock ma’m” and many more things. At the same time, i can’t let someone hurt me and be friend at the same time.

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Author: bidisa

am a happy go lucky girl who loves to day dream and often reflects upon the past, be it recent past or remote past. i love being me; sometimes i may not be proud of my actions or words but i am really ok with being ME. Reading and penning down my thoughts are just two of my several hobbies.

3 thoughts on “Unfriended”

  1. This is a superlative piece and as far as sharing things are concerned you never met the guy and at the same time you don’t know the exact thing. You should definitely unfriend this guy
    Like u said u Rock!!! Cheers !!!

    Like

  2. Bidz i know,u know that how gud u are…but u know , i know that my vocab isnt stong enough to express ..how gud u actually are… the best thing about u is that even small lil events are important to u…n u pen down evry lil thing n draw picture wit ur words… without much use of word imagery..i cud still feel that a movie has been screened right before my eyes..n i hv enjoyed every bit of it…this is unique…. u hv a style of ur own..darling once u r done with ur MBBS…do write a book n publish it…n i as a journalist i will be taking the author’s interview..

    Liked by 1 person

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