“You can’t make homes out of human beings”
– Warsan Shire
There was he, one of the most charming individuals ever. One that broke my defences and entered where no one had entered in last four years, if not more. My friends cautioned me against him. I have never been a good judge of character, I admit. But this time I was so blinded by his ways that I threw their caution to the wind. Within a few months, he became one of my favourites. He was the one I called ‘home’, because he felt like home. I even forgot what my favourite contemporary poetess had said, and made him my “home”. Someone I could tell my darkest secrets and deepest fears and secret desires to. He played his part perfectly well. Every time, I tried severing ties, the magical charm would over-power me, time and again.
“Light attracts light. But sometimes your light attracts moths and your warmth attracts parasites. Protect your space and energy.”
– Warsan Shire.
Always have been a happy-go-lucky and optimistic person. Countless known and not-so-known folks have described me as warm. Never put much thought to it unless last night when I took time to reflect on how situations have spiraled to the present scenario. It wasn’t too pretty. Emotional parasites draw out energy and occupy space, leaving no space for the non-parasites to enter one’s life.
“Perhaps, the problem is not the intensity of your love, but the quality of the people you are loving.”
– Warsan Shire.
This lady isn’t my favourite for no reason.
why do you find the unavailable so alluring?
where did it begin? what went wrong? and who made you feel so worthless?
if they wanted you, wouldn’t they have chosen you?
all this time, you were begging for love silently, thinking they couldn’t hear you, but they smelt it on you, you must have known that they could taste the desperate on your skin?
and what about the others that would do anything for you, why did you make them love you until you could not stand it?
how are you both of these women, both flighty and needful?
where did you learn this, to want what does not want you?
where did you learn this, to leave those that want to stay?
All of us, perhaps without exception, have been in situations like these. It is okay be head-over-heels in love with someone. But one ought to know when to pull the stops.
Be your own home, your own person.
Love yourself as much as you love others, you owe yourself that.
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